Wrong Brother, Right Girl

[melbender]

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"I have no clue. Maybe she liked being next to her mama anf daddy?" I looked up at him with a big smile. I was so in love with him right now. "Are you as happy as i am?"

[melbender]

I almost went after him, but I gave him the space he needed. I hoped he understood that I still wanted us, and hopefully one day we can start fresh by marrying again. I walked over pushing Harper on the swing, "one more minute and we'll need.to leave sweetheart."

[Ashwag24]

after a few more minutes I walked over and picked up willow kissing her we didn't talk at all till we got home lily got the girls ready for bed and I sat in her room thinking. I hated this I hated what I did. I didn't know how to give her this.

[melbender]

"are you coming to bed?" I asked quietly after putting the girls down to bed. "the girls are sleeping, I thought maybe we could go upstairs?

[Ashwag24]

i sighed. "It's really what you want?"I askedz. "I know I have no reason to be upset and hurt but I can't lie I am both upset and hurt, hurt more than anything." I said running both hands down my face.

[melbender]

Guilt set in and I shook my head no "or course it's not what I want but we've barely had a marriage. We've been together not even a whole month and married for almost 4 years." I felt my own tears come on "I love you so much, but I feel like our marriage is tainted, I want to start fresh, I want you to propose again one day so we can marry.. This isn't me ending it, I'm just trying to fix us."

[Ashwag24]

i sighed. "I get what your saying but divorce really, couldn't tee jut act like we aren't married and then just have another wedding? Or do you want a different date and everything. I don't mind marrying you again I would love too but the thought of divorcee scares me and I don't like it." I said sadly hating it all. "I'm so sorry."

[melbender]

I guess he had a point. We could act unmarried how ever you act like that. I walked further in the room and sitting down opposite him, tearfully I slid off my engagement and wedding rings "Im sorry, I think it's for the best.. No divorce and I think we need separate rooms."

[Ashwag24]

i got up. "Okay I understand." I didn't know what else to say or do. I walked over and kissed her forehead. "I'll be in the guest room if you need me." I went to walk away but stopped. "I love you."

[melbender]

"don't be like this Ryder.." I looked up, sitting there and silently crying.

[Ashwag24]

i looked at her. "I'm sorry I don't mean to be like this it's just everything was going so good but then I told you something you had the right to know and it hurt you and I fucked up again." I walked back over. "It doesn't matter I'm going to make us right, I'm going to make sure you get everything you deserve."

[melbender]

"I wish my dad would have told me, he knew how devastated I was, and not just me but the girls too. If I had of known you were getting help, I would have maybe coped better but I knew nothing.." I swiped my eyes with the back of my hand. Feeling even more hurt "I gave you nothing but love Ryder. I gave you everything I could give, I moved here for you and you walk out not once but twice.." I looked up at him, standing and reaching for his hands. "but I'm here, willing to forgive you and make this work when every part of me wants to leave you.. My brain says go but my heart says stay. I'm here because I want to spend my life with you."

[Ashwag24]

i hated that her brain didn't want me. "I know and I hate that I hurt you and the girls." I sighed. "I think your dad knew I wasn't in a good place at all, I was struggling and I think he knew I needed to get better before seeing you or the girls, I'm so sorry lily. I love you and I want us to work so like I said before I will do whatever it takes to make it happen. Whatever you want me to do I'll do."

[melbender]

"I know and I know you will, please give me some time. I'm really confused, yesterday I was happy, and today I'm just a mess." I wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him tight. "I love you like crazy."

[Ashwag24]

i smiled and kissed her head. "I love you like crazy too, let's get some sleep and I'll work on how I can woo you again." I lifted her chin and kissed her softly. "Night sugar."

[melbender]

I didn't realise what I'd done until I went to bed alone and it sank in. I laid there reading, unable to sleep. When 1am reached around, I slowly got out of bed and tip toed to the spare bedroom door, my hand almost on the handle when I stopped. What was I doing. I was so up and down. We needed to this. He hurt me, but I can't deny the time alone with him was wonderful.

[Ashwag24]

i couldn't sleep I knew why. I had called James my sponsor and talked to him told him a little and still didn't feel better I wanted to get something to eat thinking it would help and when I opened the door there was lily standing there looking confused. "Can't sleep either?" I sighed. "I'm going to try to eat want a sandwich with me?"

[melbender]

"I was up all night thinking about how stupid I've been and wanted to come into bed with you but then had doubts about that.." covering my mouth with a yawn "I'm going to go to bed, I'm not hungry just tried and cold." I didn't walk back to my room, I went into the spare one and climbed up in the bed.

[Ashwag24]

k smiled and wasn't wanting that sandwich anymore. I turned and walked into the spare room which was now mine and crawled into bed after her. "I love you and I don't think there is anything wrong with just us cuddling sugar. Get some sleep." I kissed her head and pulled her closer to my front.

[melbender]

I'd fallen asleep almost instantly when his arms wrapped around my waist, drawing me in closer. I woke up early to make breakfast before the girls and him woke up, giving the windows a wash and the floors a mop, I checked the calender and realised Harper has pre school today and the riding practice, and Willow had her dancing class. I walked back to the stairs, and stood in Ryder's doorway, watching him sleep, he was really handsome, "your coffee is ready."

[Ashwag24]

I smirked and opened my eyes. "Mmm thank you." I said and got up. "So what's the plans for today?"

[melbender]

"pre school, riding and dancing.. Busy day ahead but you'll be able to see the girls riding and dancing and at school" I smiled, watching him lay in the bed "how'd you sleep?"

[Ashwag24]

i moaned. "A lot better once you were here with me." I admitted. "You?" I wanted to hear what she really thought and hoped it was the same as my thoughts but I reminded myself she needs time.

[melbender]

"same.." I admitted. "I couldn't sleep without you, I hate going to bed alone." I'd spent the past years doing that and hated it, it was depressing and miserable. "I know I said we need space, some time.. But I just hate that I'm so confused." I sighed, walking in and sitting on the bed

[Ashwag24]

i sighed. "Look lily I understand and I don't want you worrying about anything but what you want okay. I love you and I'll be here however you want. With that said I want to be a family and I'll wait for however long it takes." I say up and pulled her to me. "But I don't see anything wrk g with us sleeping in the same bed, we can cuddle if you want but we don't need to go further unless your ready!"

[melbender]

I got what he was saying "but that's the thing, I want to sleep in the same bed and have sex like crazy again. I've missed you but then I start to think and the doubts sink in and I feel hopeless because shouldn't I be mad with you still?" I asked, frustrated because I wasn't. "It hurt knowing my dad knew, and I guess it just brought up old feelings of how I felt and I know we're not completely there because I'm terrified you'll leave again, but I want to move forward and not worry about the past.." I reached for his hands, squeezing them. "I love you, I just want you to know that and if you ever hurt me, let alone the girls there's no more chances, you can fuck up, but if it breaks their hearts or if you leave then that's it."

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