Falling all over

[Ashwag24]

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At 18 Colt thought he found the girl he would love forever till she cheated and he and her best friend got together. They started dating then the unexpected happened and she fell pregnant. Both her parents and his insisted they marry. Colt thinking he was to young to be a father and a husband specially when at first he only got with her to puss off his ex. But he truly cared for his son to be mother of his child. He just wasn’t ready so the day of graduation and only weeks after he married his pregnant girlfriend he took off. He never really looked back. He thought of them every day but couldn’t go back. Not till he was wealthy and truly knew he wanted them. He just hoped it wasn’t to late. Not knowing if he had a son or a daughter not knowing if she was still living in the small town or if she was involved with anyone. They were still married after all.

[melbender]

“Yes can we please!!” Billy wanted to go no matter what and I knew he would hate me saying so. So, I just smiled with a nod “sure, but we have school tomorrow remember so we cant be up too late.” I looked at him and half glared “you know I never say no to ice cream.”

[Ashwag24]

I smiled “oh I know all to well how you can’t say no to ice cream!” I winked and ruffled Billy’s hair. “How about lunch first!”

[melbender]

“”Sandwiches?!” He grinned. “Yes, let’s go have sandwiches at the park.” I agreed, feeling hungry myself. We left for the park, I felt strange about it all but I guess he wanted to spend time with his son, and I would let him but with me around. Part of me felt he would leave still. “Have you caught up with anyone since being back here?” I asked

[Ashwag24]

I sighed “no I haven’t, I’m sure no one wants to see me either. That and I don’t care to cause the only people that matter to me is my family.” I said honestly. I looked up at her. “So are you working?”

[melbender]

I laughed, unable to help it “umm yes, I have to work to be able to afford rent and things.” I shook my head “you say family is important, but I don’t believe that. Not once did you tell me how you felt, you just left. Do you have any idea what it was like knowing you walked out. It was worse than losing someone to a death, because you were still out there but just didn’t want me.”

[Ashwag24]

I winced that hurt.  “I didn’t deserve you then and I still don’t but please don’t think I didn’t want you then or now” I looked at billy.  “You remember that night the one I took you out on my bike for the first time.  And we you know for the first time, I fell in love with you that night and I knew then I was not good enough for you because of why I asked you out in the first place.  I knew then I had to do something to be the man you deserved. Then a month later you tell me your pregnant and I got so fucked yo and scared.  I really hate myself for everything ive  don’t le to you.  I don’t deserve you.”  I I just had to tell her everything.  “The night after you told me, she called and told me that you had a crush on me before she and I got together.  She told me she don’t even want to date me but she didn’t want you to have me either.  She said you were going to trap me.  I let her get in my head and I hate myself for it because it wasn’t you trying to trap me it was me trying to trap you, I knew I was going to get you pregnant I knew it and I wanted it but once it happened I got scared you would hate me.”

[melbender]

“I’m sorry?” Did I hear him right? He thought I wanted to trap him, so he trapped me instead. I felt sick and angry, more than ever. “You purposely-“ I couldn’t finish my words. “You wanted it so bad so no one else would ever want me, that’s all it feels like. You knocked me up and left.. then come back years later thinking everything will be ok. No, it won’t be.” I laughed bitterly “it’s nice to know you and she were still in contact behind my back. That’s just great to know, a real slap in the face and proves I was just used in this game.”

[Ashwag24]

I shook my head. “No no Peyton, your misunstanding what I am saying.” I rubbed my hand over my face. “I fell in love with you so hard, it scared the shit out of me. I realized to late that I wanted everything with you I needed you by my side. I wasn’t in contact with you, I think she heard that you were pregnant and was trying to get in my head and she did. But she only did because I knew it was all on me and you didn’t and wouldn’t ever be that manipulative, that’s nit you your sweet and kind but here I was in love and scared so I just purposely didn’t use a condom. I am glad I didn’t believe me but I was wrong, I shouldn’t have done that to you and after you told me I felt like I ruined your life. I took your dreams away. I hurt you.” Fuck I messed things up. “I didn’t come back thinking everything would be okay I knew coming back would be hard but I knew it was the right thing to do you deserve to know the truth and you deserve a whole of a lot better than me.”

[melbender]

“Yeah I know I do.” I groaned, leaning back. This was an epic fuck up. “You hurt me, and I don’t trust anyone anymore. I refuse to let a man hurt me, or even get close to me. You up and left, you’ve missed out on your son growing up. None of this is fair. I just don’t know what to do.” I said wiping away my tears “what the fuck have I done to deserve all of this.”

[Ashwag24]

I sighed and grabbed her hand. “Nothing you haven’t done anything wrong this is all on me I screwed everything up. I should have talked to you told you but I didn’t I ran like the coward I was. I hurt you more and more every day I was gone every day I didn’t pick up the phone and call you. I hurt him our son. Those are things I can’t ever take back or change because it’s happened all I can do is show you I’m not that scared boy anymore. To show you I’m not going anywhere that I want to deserve you and our son.”

[melbender]

“And what if I don’t want to be with you? What if I want a divorce?” I asked looking up, I pulled my hand back afraid I’d never want him to let go again. “Our life has just been the two of us. All I wanted was for you to love me, to want to be here with us.” I wiped my eyes and shook my head. “I can’t give you any promises.” I said softly.

[Ashwag24]

i nodded. “Peyton if you choice you don’t want to be with me that doesn’t change my mind about sticking around and being a part of Billy’s life, which also means I’m going to be apart of your life too. I won’t like it when you will start to date but I can’t make you not. I want to be a family but I can’t force it on you and I know I don’t deserve a chance but I would like one one to prove to you that I want us.”

[melbender]

“I just don’t know.” I staring up at him, I blinked back the tears. I still loved him, and I knew I always would. “All I can offer is friendship for now, who knows what will happen but I need to build a friendship with you first again.” I said, hating I wanted him shirt all this time. I was completely smitten with him, and would go back today but I had to be smart about this. “Just give this time, and same with Billy.. he will find out one day, but when I’m ready.”

[Ashwag24]

I smiled. “I can do that. If that’s what you always want it’s something and I’m greatful for that.” Although I wanted more I would have to be Parker and wait for her. I really hurt her and I’m the same I hurt myself. “So as friends can I say that you look really beautiful right now.”

[melbender]

“Is that right, well I think clearly you’re blind but thankyou anyway. I try my hardest to look presentable at the least.” I blushed, rolling my eyes. “I see you e aged well.”

[Ashwag24]

“I’m not blind and neither is any man that has looked your way, you are beautiful.” I smirked. “Yeah running helps and well I think I look the same really just more muscular!” I reached for her hand but stoppe dfriend si have to remember friends. “Friends flirting is okay?”

[melbender]

“Is that what we’re doing? Flirting?” I laughed, smiling. You’re terrible. Always the bad influence on me.” I pointed out as Billy ran around the swings and jumped on the slide. “God I can’t beleive he’s six. He’s so big now.”

[Ashwag24]

I nodded. “He is going to be tall. How big was he at birth?” I asked already knowing he was a big boy. I just wanted to hear it all from her. “I would like to see the photos too!”

[melbender]

“I have a box full of things packed away, I will make sure to give them to you. There’s videos and pictures from the pregnancy and milestones. He was almost 9 pounds, but I couldn’t give birth naturally, he was stuck and I was bleeding so they done an emergency cesarean on me.” I looked at him “it was utterly terrifying, I didn’t think he would survive.”

[Ashwag24]

“Shit!” I said batwing she went through it all without me by her side like I should have been. “I’m sorry I know I can’t say it enough but I’m truly sorry.” I grabbed her hand again because I had to touch her. “Can I swing by after pizza and get them?”

[melbender]

“Sure, I can get those for you.” I looked at him “I want them back though, they’re memories for me to look back on. I watch his birth every year on his birthday, it’s just bittersweet to see how small he once was.” I grinned “well, not too small coz he has your height in him”

[Ashwag24]

I smiled. “Can we watch it together on his birthday?” I don’t know why it came out but fuck I felt like I was imposing but I wanted to see her experience it all over again like I knew she would. I wanted to see how she scres watching our son being born.

[melbender]

“Umm, I guess so if that’s what you want, I mean it’s nothing amazing, just me in a lot of pain and the. Being taken off to theatre, you don’t see much until I’m holding him as they stitch me up.” I wasn’t sure if he knew but I realised he didn’t. “His birthday is today. The actual day.”

[Ashwag24]

I was taken back. “Shit!” I was terrible I hated myself. “I didn’t-I just-fuck. Why are you being nice to me I don’t deserve it. I’m thankful for it but I just wish I wasn’t so stupid.” I knew the tears were coming I felt my eyes water and I didn’t care I let them fall in front of her. “Can we go get pizza and watch it now?”

[melbender]

“Now?” I was taken aback. “Umm, I guess so but once Billy is in bed” I gave his hand a comforting squeeze “I will kill you if you fuck with me though, I may appear nice but I don’t have the patience For games.”

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