I’m a dead man

[Ashwag24]

First topic message reminder :

I’m almost ten years older than her! But that isn’t the only reason I should want her, she is my best mates younger sister! I’ve known her my whole life! It wasn’t until I convinced rob to join the marines with me and we came back for her 18th birthday that I saw her in a new way. Then once again when their parents died in the unexpected car crash when I really screwed up. I was drunk and kissed her one thing lead to another and when I woke alone I thought I dreamed it. But I know I didn’t I couldn’t of. She left for college that day and well rob and I went back to our duties. After getting a honorary discharge 5 years later, I’m back home but rob is still fighting over seas. I haven’t seen or heard from her the last thing rob said was she was dating some asshat.

What happens when I see her again but she isn’t alone she has a child about 4 years old.she has sad eyes and looks scared.

[melbender]

“I like big tankers and army trucks like my uncle drives! And I like the beach!” He beamed. “What do you do? Do you like the beach?”

I wanted to cry. The trip couldn’t be going any slower.

[Ashwag24]

I smiled. “I use to be over there with your uncle rob so I like big tankers too, I have a few that you can have. I also like being a fireman because I can still help lots of people. I like camping and the beach, last time I was on the beach your mama was turning 18!” I smirked and looked at her knowing what I told her last night my cock twitched. God she was amazing that day.

[melbender]

“”Yes well I’m surprised you remember that night at all.” I pointed out, half tolling my eyes. “Uncle Rob is coming home soon, you can show him your arm. You can tell him all about the trip in the ambulance with Jax.”

[Ashwag24]

I smiled “yeah you can tell uncle rob all about that!” I leaned in and whispered “and maybe we can convince your mama to let me come camping with you both!” I backed away and saw him smile big. But the look on Tessa’s face was nothing but anger. Oh if she thought I would not want to be in their lives then she really didn’t know me. Even if the boy wasn’t mine which math tells me he is I would still want to be there for them.

[melbender]

“Whatever. I’m pretty sure you’re working that weekend anyway.” I gritted under my breath. “Or maybe you’ll just go back to the army and take another tour. That sounds better.”

[Ashwag24]

I rolled my eyes. “They won’t take me back I was injured and got a honorable discharge did rob not tell you! I saved him but got myself injured.” I was shocked. “Besides I’m sure I can ask someone to work for me.” I looked back at jack. “It will be fun right buddy?”

[melbender]

“Yeah we can go fishing!” He asked with excitement. “And we can catch fish for dinner and make s’mores! You’ll have to share our tent coz mama said it gets cold and we have to sleep together.”

“He has a swag he can use”. I grumbled with annoyance.

[Ashwag24]

I smiled. “We can do all that buddy and I think your mama is on to something one tent sounds great! I’ll buy all the food!” I winked at him and he was so happy tessa on the other hand well she will have to learn to accept it. We pulled up to the hospital. “Okay buddy we will take you to see the doctor then I’ll come back and get your mama okay!”

[melbender]

“I love you. I’ll be right here ok. And then we’re
Going home to have ice cream and watch movies all day.” I kissed him longingly, my heart breaking to see him like this. It was just like saying goodbye to my parents all over again. Seeing them being taken away only to never come back out. I fought hard to keep it together as the tears spilled down my cheeks and I looked at him “you better make sure they look after him or you’ll wish you were still in Iraq!” I snapped

[Ashwag24]

I looked her dead in the eyes. “I wouldn’t let anything happen to him ever, and once he is good and ready to go home we will be talking!” I was a little pissed at her for not telling me. I had ever y right to know. I wheeled the bed my son laid on into the hospital I talked to him the whole time. When he was done we found his mama and she loooked relieved. “Let’s go get him ice cream and talk!”

[melbender]

“I’d rather not talk to you, but I guess we need to.” I sighed, standing up. I walked outside, putting my sunglasses on. “What do you want to talk about?” I asked casually, purposely ignoring the fact I knew what he wanted to discuss.

[Ashwag24]

I shook my head and laughed. “How about we’re you ever going to tell me we have a son? How about what all happens that morning why you left why you made me think it was all a dream? How about you give me answers I deserve!” I was upset but I also was happy. “At least I now know why rob won’t talk to me he knows doesn’t he? How? Why before me?”

[melbender]

“Rob walked in and caught me naked in bed with you. He was furious. You’re lucky he said nothing because he was ready to kill you.” I pointed out. “I told him I was pregnant and he said you would demand I get rid of it and told me to keep it a secret. So I did because I was terrified and scared to what would happen. You didn’t speak to me about that night so I assumed you wanted to forget about it.”

[Ashwag24]

I was shocked. “I’m going to kill him!” I missed everything because of him! I started pacing something I started back across seas. “i would have never asked you or even demand you to get rid of our child, I didn’t contact you because I thought I dreamt the whole thing Tess! Fuck! I missed everything.” I stopped and looked at her. “What if I didn’t make it? What if that bomb went off sooner rather than later? I would have never known him he would have never known me!” I was so pissed at rob at Tessa and at myself. Why because I should have made it clearer to her that night I should have told her I was in love with her.

[melbender]

“Calm down!” I reached for his arm. “You can be mad all you like.. you can’t change anything now so stop yelling.. yes you have a son, and he looks like you.. but how many times did you call me after that night? None! You didn’t want me.. you don’t get to have me now just because you think I’m going to hand over my son.”

[Ashwag24]

I looked he in the eyes. “You have no fucking clue.” I took her hands off me. “You may not want me but I never once said I didn’t want you! I will be in his life, I’ve missed everything already I won’t miss another day.” I turned away from her. Not able to look at her. “Your brother and I will be having a talk or at least my first will be with his face! Till then I’m going to get our son and take him for ice cream then I’ll take you both home so I can finish my shift at the station.”

[melbender]

“You don’t get to take my son anywhere without me.” I snapped “it’s been me raising him! Don’t you dare come back all high and mighty thinking you can do what you want. You talk to me first, you want to have ice cream, then you can ask. It’s me on that birth certificate, not you! You can’t just assume because he has no clue you’re his father and I don’t want him to know until he’s ready. You fucking hurt me. You have no idea how much you hurt me when Rob told me about the women you were fucking all the time. I hated you for so long.”

[Ashwag24]

Oh now I was really pissed. “I’m killing him.” I turned and looked at her. “One I never said I was taking him we said ice cream we are all going two ever since your 18th I haven touched a woman not till I came back for your parents service and the only one I touch I thought I was dreaming the whole damn time because I didn’t think you’d ever want a old guy like me! So don’t go throwing shit in my face and being pissed at me for something I never did! Fuck I’m going to kill rob!” I started pacing again. She wasn’t hearing me she just kept making up excuses to make herself understand what she did and to make it seem like she did the right thing but she didn’t and she is bound to know that. “I knew I shouldn’t have told him I had feelings for you when we left after your birthday he didn’t want me to go back when your parents died told me to stay back and not go near you.”

[melbender]

“You don’t understand.. what was I meant to do? When my brother tells me to keep it quiet other wise you’d flip out and drag my ass to a clinic? I was terrified. You can’t hold it against me. Yes I know I should have told you, but when? I never heard from you. I didn’t want you to take him away from me. I have been all he knows.” I blinked back the tears “I have no one else except him and my brother. Jack is my whole life, and right now you’re scaring the shit out of me and I won’t allow you to hurt him either. Your parents agreed that you wouldn’t a child.” I then realised what I let slip

[Ashwag24]

I sighed. “I’m pissed, you know me better than that you should have known I would have never done those things. I care about you so much and I care about rob your my family always have been. I want to be in his life.” I didn’t mean to scare her. I didn’t know what else to say or do right now.

[melbender]

“Your parents know about him, they visit when they’re in town.” I said quietly. “They didn’t think you would handle having a child well and suggested I don’t say anything. Then you came back, and I struggle to keep the secret. So many times I wanted to tell you, I was afraid.” I sat down on the bench and buried my face in his hands. “I’m sorry.”

[Ashwag24]

This just gets better and better. “My parents know?” I sat down beside her. “Why would they tell you to do that?” I was hurt. The people who loved me hurt me the most. Rob my parents and Tessa. I put my head in my hands and just didn’t understand any of this. “Am I that terrible of a person for y’all to think I wouldn’t want a child?”

[melbender]

I didn’t know how to answer him. “I guess nobody thought you were ready to settle down and especially with me. You said it yourself, you’re older than me. I struggled so much, my parents were so mad. They were furious when they found out and then they died hours later. Rob is all I have, he was trying to protect me.” Or maybe he wasn’t and just wanted to protect himself. “You’re allowed to be mad, but you don’t get to call the shots with me and Jack.”

[Ashwag24]

I snapped my head at her. “I don’t? Like hell Tess! You, rob, and my parents took years of jacks life from me I won’t ever get back! Do you not understand that? I don’t get to see him be born I don’t get to see you grow with him I don’t get to see he roll, sit, crawl, walk or talk for the first time!” I got up and started pacing. “You don’t get what you took from me. All because the people I thought cared told you I wouldn’t be a good father or wasn’t ready.”

[melbender]

Well that hurt. I nodded, silent tears falling down my cheeks as I looked away not wanting him to see. I dried my eyes and stood up, sniffing “I’m going back to the hospital. I need to be with my son. You missed a lot, and I can’t bring any of that back. Just remember, not once did you call me after that night. I never heard from you again.”

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